The beginning to this school year has been one of the busiest yet! I could write all day long about the seriously growing list of things seriously going wrong, or seriously needing to be taken care of, but I just can't bring myself to do that. It is a difficult task to push out the bad and only focus on the good. I try real hard no doubt! The stressors of life weigh on everyone and there are definitely peak times. I am in the midst of a peak time right now. Seriously.
However, because I appropriately titled this blog that I have neglected for over a year now, "Positive Chaos," positive I will be! My mom is coming to town tomorrow, and I'm very glad about this. She helps calm me when I have a lot going on and my head is spinning. Plus, it forces me to slow down. I tend to get a little caught up in work, grad school, things the kids are and/or are not doing, or keeping my cleaning neurosis under control! I saw her back in June for a couple of weeks, so it hasn't been too long, but long enough! We have been relieved with news that the tumor on her liver is not cancerous! Yay! Unfortunately, she is "on hold" as far as her liver transplant is concerned. Ever since she had hip replacement surgery last fall, she has had to be on antibiotics for a nasty staph infection she got while in recovery. The rules of actually getting a new liver are, 1. be on your deathbed (must have a score of 18 on their crazy scale - mom is at 10.) 2. cannot be on any kind of antibiotics for any reason. This is a double-edge sword. We are so happy her waiting list score is staying fairly low because that means she's not getting worse, but on the other hand, she doesn't feel good at all...so sometimes I find myself wishing she would get more sick so we can just get the transplant over with! That sounds horrible to write, but seeing her in pain is worse, I think, but wait, more pain is necessary to get worse in order to get better?! What a paradox! Over the course of the years, her score has fluctuated a few points higher and then went back down when she stopped working. I am thankful her doctors forced that upon her however many years ago that was now! Regardless of her score, and her pain, I am so grateful she is still in our lives and is able to come see me!!! Autumn wants to take her to eat at The Cheesecake Factory (yes, please!) and I am due up for brunch at Chez Zee! All I can think about is going out to eat when she comes to town! I love food :-)
Onto the subject of poopies! Oh, I mean puppies ;-) Man, those little boogers are the cutest things ever, but they are driving me insane! I chuckle when I type that because it is so true. In order to keep this section positive, I will say they have tested my patience and I am winning! In your face poopies! They are still alive (8 weeks and counting)...and pooping (not to mention diahrrea)...and chewing everything (eating drywall is one of their favorite past-times)...and peeing (on my curtains no less)...and being the most adorable babies ever! I can overlook some of this relentless chaos due to that fact. I have bought all sorts of cleaning supplies (which makes me happy) and right now the house smells ok, I think?! A mist of febreeze and carpet powder may choke someone out the minute they walk in, but by golly, you can't smell what I smelled this morning! Oh, Crockett and Ellie, how was our life ever fulfilled before you came along?!
So I have been really trying to find my way lately. In life, that is. We all know our paths change as often as we let them, and I am at a crossroads. Walking in the right direction is easy when you know which foot to put in front of the other! My feet are side-by-side, and I don't know which foot to lead with at the moment. I feel a change is needed, and I feel ready, but I can't see anything clearly yet. Throughout the course of my life, opportunities have appeared when I get to this point. It always happens. I start to get a little stir deep down in my gut and it starts to fill my head with ideas of new ventures...then I wait. At the last minute something unexpected will happen and there I go! Courage prevails! Life changes. I know it's coming. My head is spinning as of late, and overall, my drive and passion is evolving in more ways and directions than one. I love that concept. Evolution. I watch it happen almost daily in my own children, in the teachers I coach, and most definitely within myself. Right now I am feeling like something bigger than what my life offers now is about to happen. I sure hope I'm right! Haha! I had this feeling right before I packed up the kids and moved 500 miles from home over 7 years ago, when I switched school districts, when I accepted this job a couple of years ago, and most recently, working on my Masters. I'm due up! It may not even be job related, but possibly? I don't know yet. I have other dreams of what I think my life should look like (picture a beach, hot cabana boy, no work, and a large pina colada ;-) What I do know is that I am meant for something bigger. Sometimes I wonder if I need to get out and speak, form a support group, or start a youtube channel of advice...or something along those lines. My experience with certain life events must be of benefit to someone. Maybe? I love to present. I love to help. I love to see people take charge of their lives. I love being a part of something monumental. I love seeing success in others. I love motivating and encouraging. I just can't narrow down what I could base any of this around. The street signs in my head have about 5 or 6 arrows on them all pointing different directions. When I can organize these thoughts and actually focus on one at a time, that's when I'll be ready for something like that. Until then, I will keep on truckin'!
P.S.
"Without Courage Your Life Will Never Change" ~Me
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