This is How I Roll...

So before Christmas I watched that movie, I Don't Know How She Does It, with Sarah Jessica Parker. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that line as well. I also have been asked numerous times, "Do all your kids have the same dad?" Seriously?! It kills me that society has gotten to the point that people will, more often than not, assume that a woman with more than 1 child has more than 1 baby daddy! Let's just clear the air now...3 kids, same dad, and yes, I was married to him!

So, here we go...here is the secret on how to do it: JUST DO IT!

• Pregnant at 18 while in your first year of college - First of all, go to school! Use your time wisely and study. Go to your doctor appointments too! No excuses and keep the goal in mind that you are going to change the statistic you have been labeled and make it!
• Pregnant at 18 while in your first year of college, and working - See above, plus go to work! Also, just forget about all the stares you get from those that are judgmental while growing in size.
• Second year of college, working, 19 with a newborn baby, and a marriage too - Ok, all of the above, plus nurse, pump, doctor's appointments, clean the house, do laundry and possibly sleep! Find times to study around the baby's schedule. If possible, enlist the help of the significant other as needed. Also apply for any government help you can get!
• Baby, bad marriage already, 20, college, working, and baby #2 on the way - Alright, all of the above plus family babysitters (so it's free or cheap) and try to find friends to talk to about how crazy your life is at that moment! Also begin planning how to leave the bad marriage if all attempts to fix it fail.
• Two babies, progressively abusive marriage, third year of college, and working - Must I repeat myself?! Getting through school will be your savior. Don't let it slip! Be as positive as you can for the kids. Avoid arguments and confrontation at all costs. Do not provoke fights. Try to keep your stress level low. Do not turn to alcohol or drugs, as that will only make it worse. Figure out how to change the situation and make a plan of action to carry out when ready. Get the babies in a Mothers Day Out program if possible. Try to shield them from any negativity.
• Final year of college, 22, two babies, worse marriage, working, and baby #3 on the way - See the light at the end of the tunnel! Mission #1 - Get a full-time job with a salary in order to ensure security for the kids for when you leave the marriage. Stay strong and finish strong!
• Three babies, full-time career in the bag, and divorce lawyer on speed dial - Be happy to have started your career and work hard at it to be the best you can be. Take on leadership roles when offered. Build your resume. When the right moment comes for the divorce lawyer, do not chicken out. Happiness and being in a healthy relationship is of utmost importance. Stick to your guns when you take the first step. Use law enforcement if necessary.
• Raising 3 alone, 24, no child support, and protective orders to boot - Get full custody of the kids. Do not talk about the ex negatively. Love those babies and become as selfless and as self-sacrficing as possible. No starbucks, no snacking, no getting nails done, no shopping...oh no! But it has to be done. Put your priorities in order. Pursue counseling as needed. Lean on family and friends. Accept help! Do not live in fear. Learn to learn from your mistakes and grow as an independent person. Figure out what makes you strong and embrace it. Find your faith in what you believe in and trust that things will always work out as they should.

• New job, 26, new city 500 miles away from your support system, and new schools for the kids - Start over! Make friends and have fun! Help your kids adjust. Be there for them and let them experience new things in their new place. Ask for help when needed and continue to accept it when offered, putting pride aside. Ask for scholarships for sports so your kids can participate. Find what makes you happy. Surround yourself in positivity. Create expectation/chore charts for the kids. Teach them responsibility and how to be self-sufficient. Provide positive behavior reinforcement, structure, routine (even if it means you waking up at 5:30 every single morning in order to make it out the door on time), and discipline as necessary. Perfect your role at your job. Organization is key; keep your desk and your home clean and tidy. Clutter only causes disarray. Control only the factors you can! Don't sweat the small stuff. Try to date! The kids will weed out the bad ones ;-)

• Finding out your child has multiple learning disabilities (supposedly), and is severely acting up in school - Work cooperatively with school personnel. Build relationships with those in contact with your child. Do not be discouraged when he is kicked out of programs. Teach others how to deal with him. Take him to therapies needed. Love him unconditionally. Smother him in a positive environment and work on life lessons. Provide logical consequences. Learn all you can about special education laws and know what is best for your child. P.S. Celebrate when you find out he doesn't have any learning disabilities after all, almost 4 years later!

• When an injustice is happening to your child at school - Be their advocate. Hire an advocate if necessary. Do not be intimidated by administration. Do what you can to remove your child from the situation. Take mental health days off from work! Accept love and support from those around you that care. Know that it is ok to cry. P.S. Again, celebrate when everything falls into place after the fact and trust in karma ;-)
• Starting over again...31, new schools, new job, new house, and still no child support 9 years later - Provide as much stability as possible. Budget everything, as always! Be there mentally, emotionally, and physically at work as well as with your children. Celebrate successes in all aspects :-) Take lots of pictures of this new chapter in your life! Make time for yourself. Work out when possible. Eat healthy and make responsible choices. In other words, be a good role model! Enjoy the simple things. Sleep in on the weekends. Appreciate your friends and laugh and dance often. Visit family and keep connections as strong as you can. Don't give up and try to date some more! lol...

 Finally, look back on more than a decade of trials and smile because you beat the odds :-)

~Fairy Tale Life~

Once I was called mommy.

Once I was a provider and protector.

Once I kissed my children goodnight.

Once I had faith in myself.

Once I had strength and courage.

Once I was selfless, responsible and independent.

Once I was told I was loved by each one.

Once I believed that...

I call this reality.

"Without Courage Your Life Will Never Change." ~Me