Where did all the good people go?

Thank you for that song Jack Johnson. I couldn't ask a better question.

Sitting here thinking about my choices in life. Why I did things I did, how I have treated people in the past and in the present, how my moral compass compares to others, and how often I am shocked by the decisions and actions of the human mass. Society has changed so much so quickly. Things that were once not appropriate for t.v. are now shown in commericals, on kid's channels, movies, billboards and especially on the internet. It is so easy to corrupt young minds. Innocence lost earlier and earlier. The more I learn about people, the more I realize about myself.

Striving to be a good person has always been an innate behavior for me. I do not understand many people's lack of commitment, lack of feeling, lack of meaning in their lives and actions. Girls taking their clothes off for anybody who asks or posting provocative photos for the world to see, guys addicted to porn and only wanting to date girls for what they look like or what they are willing to do, children being exposed to ferocious violence in almost everything they see. My very core shakes when I watch anything negative...killing, hurting, fighting, raping, bullying, cheating, lying. I am baffled that so many are not bothered by any of this, but instead encourage it and promote it. These themes are so prevalent in so many movies right now. People cheering for suicide when a man is on a ledge, kids chasing and stabbing other kids all for a game, people setting others up for a sacrifical death, on and on...I watch this stuff and wonder how people thought of these disturbing things to even write about! I used to watch all of the crime shows, NCIS, CSI, Numbers, Criminal Minds, you name it, I watched it. I was, and still am, fascinated by the science and thought behind figuring out the crimes, but also disgusted and horrified by the acts of crime the writers created! I immediately figure they are completely screwed up individuals themselves!

I am around kids pretty much all the time. I see the pureness and how they respond to their environments. It's no wonder so many studies have been done over violent video games vs prison numbers. Now, I do not shelter my own kids, but as time goes on and more and more becomes "acceptable" for children to be exposed to, the more I am thinking about locking this house down! lol My boys are extremely guilty for picking up language and inappropriate gestures from media sources. I fight that battle daily! The internet is the sole cause of Canyon's vast inquiry of various societal laws, rituals of civilizations, worldwide epidemics, slave trades, teen sex changes, inappropriate music videos and song lyrics, government conspiracy theories, political platforms, and more. That child, at age 12, has learned more than I probably ever will about any of those topics! Information is a click away...bad information included. Teaching kids not to believe everything they see and hear is a tricky job, and of course, youtube videos don't help! Kids are completely mesmerized by the wealth of crazies out there. It's those crazies influencing them probably moreso than their family (that is if their family is a healthy and functioning unit). That is a scary thought. Anybody can post anything on the net and unfortunately, blocking kids from all the garbage takes immense dedication and tons of effort. And blocking adults, ha, well that is obviously impossible, but also soooo needed. With the amount of teen solicitation and sexual predators out there, oh, it just makes my stomach turn. Where are morals? Where is the sense of right and wrong? Lost in the abyss of space I suppose. Addictions are fed by the plethora of opportunities to fulfill them.

I guess the best thing to teach anyone about life is the Golden Rule. People are so mean and cruel out there. Putting yourself in others' shoes is a powerful tactic. Really taking the time to think if you would want certain things inflicted upon yourself and then deciding if it is worth it to follow through with your actions or words. I wish more people could do this. I wish we, as parents, didn't have to teach our children that the world has a lot of bad in it. There is good out there! It is so rare to find though and that is heartbreaking. Modeling good behavior tops the list as well. We must show others, not just kids, that not all of us out there want to see others hurt, or put our lustful desires out there for the world to see. Everybody wants to be wanted, needed and loved, but it must come in a healthy manner. Teaching little girls to love themselves and give them the security they need to grow up in order to seek out and find healthy relationships instead of trying to mimic the negative behaviors of celebrities they learn from in order to get attention from a guy. It is a huge problem amongst any age group.

I want to encourage everyone to be one of the good people! It shouldn't be that those are rare, but rather plentiful. We need to rebuild our ways of thinking and living to help those in need, to reach out to those who hurt, to put others before ourselves, to inspire others, to hold our minds and bodies in high regard, to uphold our word, to be faithful and most importantly, just to make heartfelt decisions. Reap those positive rewards you sow!

"Without Courage Your Life Will Never Change" ~Me

Sudden Impact

"A teacher affects eternity. He can never tell where his influence stops." ~Henry Adams

Every teacher needs to be told this statement and fully believe in its power. However, a teacher can be anyone in any walk of life. You don't have to have your teaching certificate and be standing in front of a classroom full of children every day to apply this to your life. Every being affects someone in some way and usually you don't even realize how.

I think back to 2002 when I graduated college with my teaching degree. I was 22 and ready to make a difference in this world! "The children are our future!" as the saying goes. I was so excited and gung-ho about getting in there and really impacting their lives each and every day and having them appreciate me for it! Little did I know that these rewards are not so instant and are typically unspoken. Day in and day out over the past 9 years of greeting middle schoolers, figuring out their learning styles, planning engaging lessons for them, grading their millions of papers, pulling teeth to motivate them, spending countless hours up at school and on the weekends thinking about them, responding to their parents' emails, disciplining them, praising them, helping them, challenging them, modifying for them, and most of all, entertaining them! So much effort for so little in return, so it seems at the time. Teachers never fully know how much they have affected a student until they hear the appreciation through a simple thank you, a hug, a hand written card or a thoughtfully selected gift. Those are precious gestures to really signify a teacher's impact; however, it is important to realize that ALL students are impacted by the teacher. This could be negatively or positively and the majority of them will never let the teacher know the difference.

Throughout the years I have collected these random acts of appreciation. Each and every one means the world to me and the majority are on display in my cubicle now. These tokens keep me going, keep me caring, keep me pushing myself, and bring tears to my eyes every time I read them. I have tried my best to remember each student after they have walked out of my room at the end of each year, but now it has been over 9 years! What a difficult task! Haha, luckily, pictures help. I often look back through the yearbooks and it brings it all back. An approximate total of 1,125 students have directly sat and listened to me dish out science lesson after science lesson (and one year Texas History lessons) over the course of almost a decade. That is a lot of lives to have touched. I would often wonder how much that 50 minute class for 187 days could really influence a child and I may never know, but I want to believe each one has walked away with a fond memory.

Here is a picture of myself and of Daisy. I had Daisy the first 3 years I was teaching at West Ridge Middle School here in Austin, as a 6th grade student in my class, as a 7th grade student in my class, and she was my aide when she was in 8th grade. You can tell we spent a lot of time together when we both walked in wearing this one day! LOL Talk about being an influence! I just wish I had the red converse to rock it like she did, dang it!

Building a relationship is the most important aspect to influencing a life. I can honestly say that the first 2-3 years I taught I built the best relationships with my students. Those students stick out in my mind more so than any other year thereafter. At that time, I was just starting out. I didn't have a toolkit of lessons that I had perfected, I didn't have a clue as to where to begin or how to do it, but I did have a smile on my face and told the kids I wanted to learn with them (and meant it.) Boy did I! Those first couple of groups challenged me to grow as a learner more than any others! They were intelligent kids. The brightest stars amongst the sea of them. I was corrected many times, and I learned real quickly what they would respond to and what they wanted no part of! I also learned how to teach them the way they needed to be taught because I was learning right alongside. Because I was young, the connection came easier I believe. The girls wanted to confide in me like a friend and the boys, well the boys, were middle school boys! They wanted attention, lots of it ;-P  I had to quickly draw the lines of our relationship as student/teacher. This brought about more respect and it caused our relationships to be more fruitful. They knew I genuinely cared about them and their futures and they genuinely cared about how they treated me. My classroom climate has always been positive and productive due to this. Mutual respect goes a long way. Now, those first years of students are adults. Many in college, some married and some even have babies now! When I joined facebook, they were the first to find me and befriend me, a whole slew of them from the years of 2002-2004. When I read comments from them, I am so proud. They have turned out so well, just as I knew they would!

As the years passed on, I still built relationships, of course, but I can clearly see how the closeness, the connections, seemed to have become a bit weaker as I became more involved in perfecting my lessons. It is a hard balancing act. To be an effective teacher, it not only takes powerful lessons, but it also requires powerful impact through relationships with the kids. This is the toughest part for any adult trying to get a child to be successful. Motivation is nonexistent if the child has no connection, whether it's in the classroom, at home, or in their social lives. As adults, we must put forth the effort to reach out...to smile, to be kind, to listen, to praise, to forgive and to have fun with them. Children must see our caring through our gestures in order to believe it.

Unfortunately, many classrooms are lacking this spark. Teachers are having a harder and harder time lighting a fire in their students and they wonder why. It is simple. Each day is an opportunity to affect every single one of them. A conscious effort of saying hi at the door, asking them how their weekend was, having them write a quick journal entry about how they are doing, a quick pat on the back or a smiley face drawn on a sticky note speaks volumes to a kid. It brings about an immense sense of compassion. So, now it is my job as a coach, not only to help with instructional strategies, but to also help teachers build relationships with their students. The encouragement of making a "Super Scientist" board in their rooms, taking pictures of them to display, or even my latest project of motivation...secretly more for the teachers than the students:

 

So this is at Elgin Middle School where I spend 2 days per week working with the 6 science teachers. With the high stakes STAAR test coming up, I wanted to model for the teachers how a simple star with a kid's name on it and a little inspirational phrase could build the morale of the 8th graders and help build a relationship. I asked the librarian to have her student aides cut out about 340 stars over the course of the past 2 weeks. I got a roster of the entire 8th grade from the secretary and I went to work! My first idea was to take a picture of each kid and stick their beautiful faces on the star, but there was no way I would be allow to use that much ink when printing! So, plan B! Names are just as good as pictures :-) I think the worst part was tying the string to each individual one! After that, my grand idea was to hang them from the ceiling in the 8th grade hallway, as stars rightfully should be, but I quickly realized that was a daunting and sweaty task I was not willing to partake in for too long! The ladder was not tall enough for me to comfortably reach the panels; therefore I was hugging the wall, praying I didn't fall, while barefoot on my tip-toes trying to attach each one. I think I got through about 20 before I gave up! Taping them along the wall was a much more feasible idea! If they only knew the lengths I went through to make my vision a reality! ha

Sudden impact hit when the bell rang after 5th period was over! Hundreds of students flooded the hall and I could hear, "Wow! Look at the stars!" "Who made these?" "Where's mine/my name?" "Do we get to keep ours?"

Smiles, smiles, smiles and a whirlwind blew, kicking up the stars so they danced as the kids rushed to their next class. WINNING :-)

When I went to my office today, which is a rare occurence, I just so happened to have a piece of mail in my mailbox, another rare occurence. This piece of mail proves even further that relationships matter across the board, with students, with other teachers, with parents, with friends and even with enemies. I have made an impact yet again even though at the time I had no idea what it meant to the people I was working with. I visited Waelder ISD a total of 6 times to work with 2 administrators and 4 teachers. Seriously, 6 days, such a small number, but those 6 days brought about a huge response (well, huge to me...as in meaningful.)

After reading this, I decided to calculate how many students I have indirectly affected through this new job since August of this year, and the grand total is about 2,300!!! Awesomesauce :-)

Realizing that your impact, your influence, your modeling, your relationships, your connections greatly change the world is an amazing awareness! Open your eyes to how you touch this world. What contribution are you making? How do/will people remember you? Make each moment count with everyone you come in contact with. It could affect their day, their week, their month, their year, or their eternity...and you may never know.

"Without Courage Your Life Will Never Change." ~Me

This is How I Roll...

So before Christmas I watched that movie, I Don't Know How She Does It, with Sarah Jessica Parker. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that line as well. I also have been asked numerous times, "Do all your kids have the same dad?" Seriously?! It kills me that society has gotten to the point that people will, more often than not, assume that a woman with more than 1 child has more than 1 baby daddy! Let's just clear the air now...3 kids, same dad, and yes, I was married to him!

So, here we go...here is the secret on how to do it: JUST DO IT!

• Pregnant at 18 while in your first year of college - First of all, go to school! Use your time wisely and study. Go to your doctor appointments too! No excuses and keep the goal in mind that you are going to change the statistic you have been labeled and make it!
• Pregnant at 18 while in your first year of college, and working - See above, plus go to work! Also, just forget about all the stares you get from those that are judgmental while growing in size.
• Second year of college, working, 19 with a newborn baby, and a marriage too - Ok, all of the above, plus nurse, pump, doctor's appointments, clean the house, do laundry and possibly sleep! Find times to study around the baby's schedule. If possible, enlist the help of the significant other as needed. Also apply for any government help you can get!
• Baby, bad marriage already, 20, college, working, and baby #2 on the way - Alright, all of the above plus family babysitters (so it's free or cheap) and try to find friends to talk to about how crazy your life is at that moment! Also begin planning how to leave the bad marriage if all attempts to fix it fail.
• Two babies, progressively abusive marriage, third year of college, and working - Must I repeat myself?! Getting through school will be your savior. Don't let it slip! Be as positive as you can for the kids. Avoid arguments and confrontation at all costs. Do not provoke fights. Try to keep your stress level low. Do not turn to alcohol or drugs, as that will only make it worse. Figure out how to change the situation and make a plan of action to carry out when ready. Get the babies in a Mothers Day Out program if possible. Try to shield them from any negativity.
• Final year of college, 22, two babies, worse marriage, working, and baby #3 on the way - See the light at the end of the tunnel! Mission #1 - Get a full-time job with a salary in order to ensure security for the kids for when you leave the marriage. Stay strong and finish strong!
• Three babies, full-time career in the bag, and divorce lawyer on speed dial - Be happy to have started your career and work hard at it to be the best you can be. Take on leadership roles when offered. Build your resume. When the right moment comes for the divorce lawyer, do not chicken out. Happiness and being in a healthy relationship is of utmost importance. Stick to your guns when you take the first step. Use law enforcement if necessary.
• Raising 3 alone, 24, no child support, and protective orders to boot - Get full custody of the kids. Do not talk about the ex negatively. Love those babies and become as selfless and as self-sacrficing as possible. No starbucks, no snacking, no getting nails done, no shopping...oh no! But it has to be done. Put your priorities in order. Pursue counseling as needed. Lean on family and friends. Accept help! Do not live in fear. Learn to learn from your mistakes and grow as an independent person. Figure out what makes you strong and embrace it. Find your faith in what you believe in and trust that things will always work out as they should.

• New job, 26, new city 500 miles away from your support system, and new schools for the kids - Start over! Make friends and have fun! Help your kids adjust. Be there for them and let them experience new things in their new place. Ask for help when needed and continue to accept it when offered, putting pride aside. Ask for scholarships for sports so your kids can participate. Find what makes you happy. Surround yourself in positivity. Create expectation/chore charts for the kids. Teach them responsibility and how to be self-sufficient. Provide positive behavior reinforcement, structure, routine (even if it means you waking up at 5:30 every single morning in order to make it out the door on time), and discipline as necessary. Perfect your role at your job. Organization is key; keep your desk and your home clean and tidy. Clutter only causes disarray. Control only the factors you can! Don't sweat the small stuff. Try to date! The kids will weed out the bad ones ;-)

• Finding out your child has multiple learning disabilities (supposedly), and is severely acting up in school - Work cooperatively with school personnel. Build relationships with those in contact with your child. Do not be discouraged when he is kicked out of programs. Teach others how to deal with him. Take him to therapies needed. Love him unconditionally. Smother him in a positive environment and work on life lessons. Provide logical consequences. Learn all you can about special education laws and know what is best for your child. P.S. Celebrate when you find out he doesn't have any learning disabilities after all, almost 4 years later!

• When an injustice is happening to your child at school - Be their advocate. Hire an advocate if necessary. Do not be intimidated by administration. Do what you can to remove your child from the situation. Take mental health days off from work! Accept love and support from those around you that care. Know that it is ok to cry. P.S. Again, celebrate when everything falls into place after the fact and trust in karma ;-)
• Starting over again...31, new schools, new job, new house, and still no child support 9 years later - Provide as much stability as possible. Budget everything, as always! Be there mentally, emotionally, and physically at work as well as with your children. Celebrate successes in all aspects :-) Take lots of pictures of this new chapter in your life! Make time for yourself. Work out when possible. Eat healthy and make responsible choices. In other words, be a good role model! Enjoy the simple things. Sleep in on the weekends. Appreciate your friends and laugh and dance often. Visit family and keep connections as strong as you can. Don't give up and try to date some more! lol...

 Finally, look back on more than a decade of trials and smile because you beat the odds :-)

~Fairy Tale Life~

Once I was called mommy.

Once I was a provider and protector.

Once I kissed my children goodnight.

Once I had faith in myself.

Once I had strength and courage.

Once I was selfless, responsible and independent.

Once I was told I was loved by each one.

Once I believed that...

I call this reality.

"Without Courage Your Life Will Never Change." ~Me

The Lion Inside

I am amazed by life, by people and the things they do and don't do. I have always been an avid people watcher, and I am a keen observer. One of my strengths is input. I know this because I had to take a strengths finder assessment (very cool) with work back in August, and my top 5 strengths definitely ring true, especially this one. Unfortunately, this input capability of mine, also brings about a strong sense of instinct and immediate processing when I receive information based on other people's behavior and words. Sometimes, ok, 99.9% of the time, I hate it when I'm right about situations. I see a lot of endings happening before they have even begun, and I have had a hard time steering away from those situations. Have I mentioned before that I may be a glutton for punishment?! I'm working on it though! I have walked right into doomed relationships, overtly aware of it. How defeating. The ironic thing is that after the fact, when the relationship fails, I still feel hurt, rejected, or angry even though I knew it was going to happen. Hmm...human emotion is an interesting thing. The more you try to suppress a feeling, the stronger it grows. The more you try to forget about something, the longer it stays. The more you are told something, the more you believe it. What if you could save yourself from this torment? That would be amazing, and it is possible. Even though I have had my fair share of jumping into relationships I knew weren't right, I also have had my fair share of summoning my inner lioness, and taking control of myself, and my emotions, and getting out of some when I needed to the most.

Courage is a character trait that separates the doers from the followers, the independent from the dependent, and the strong from the weak. It involves taking control of your life, and your emotions. When you are hit with a reality, when that input shakes your very core, human nature is to feel and react. People get scared and sometimes run away instead of facing what they are feeling. Some drown themselves in alcohol or numb themselves with drugs. Some act out or lash out. Some just simply endure the pain, too scared to find out if there is a better way. Then, then there are those that do choose to deal with it. Those that have the courage to step up and make a choice to start a new chapter, or turn the page at the very least.

My heart aches for those that cannot find the strength or the courage to leave. I'm talking about those that stay in loveless marriages/relationships, and especially those in abusive marriages/relationships. Life is too short to stay with a person that makes you miserable. Life is too beautiful not to enjoy, either alone or with someone. I see it all too often. When asked why they won't leave, the response is always, "I can't because _______ (fill in the blank with an excuse)." I am here to say YES! Yes you can leave. There is no excuse for being unhappy and no excuse for being abused. Leaving is a choice you can always make. Money is typically a big factor on why many stay in miserable relationships. I hate it. It is such a driving force for so many people in so many ways, and more importantly, it makes people feel trapped. Trapped because they are afraid they can't make it on their own. Children are also a driving factor in why people stay. Hello?! You are doing more harm than good by modeling what a relationship shouldn't look like! You are showing them your weaknesses by staying. Instead, you should raise their expectations for what a relationship should look like, and how people should be treated.

YES! Yes you can make it on your own. Yes you can come out of it and be healthy and have healthy children. It takes courage. It takes strength, and it takes putting thoughts into words and words into actions. You alone can change your life! It may require having a support system in place beforehand for some, and that can happen if steps are taken in that direction. There is no reason to feel negatively bound to another person. We all have the ability to be our own person, to make our own decisions, and to bring about change. Within abusive relationships, it is about control. The abuser uses their power of manipulation to prey on the self-worth of the abused. Valuing yourself and loving yourself keeps you out of these situations and can also release you from them. Realizing that you are worth more than that. That you are strong. That you are beautiful inside and out. That you are courageous enough to fight back by leaving. That's how you win. You take control of your life and change it. I know it's scary. I know it all too well. To fear what's going to happen next, or tomorrow, or next time he drinks; to fear for your life. What a vicious cycle and it eats the weak alive. I made a choice many years ago to take control. I have never learned a larger life lesson that that. I learned I do have the courage. That I am strong. That I can make it on my own. That I value myself. That I am beautiful inside and out. That I am worthy of having a happy and fulfilling life, as are my children. I decided that. I changed it. Me.

You do not need another person to be complete. You alone have that power too. There are Maslow's basic human needs, yes, but to completely depend upon another person to feel whole is not a part of that, nor healthy. It shows you are deficient in some capacity. You must love yourself first, and then find someone that inspires you to be a better person. It's not about how that person makes you feel about them, it's about how that person makes you feel about yourself that matters. I'm not talking about putting a person on a pedestal either (because that is ridiculous and honestly annoying.) I'm referring back to that self-worth. Do they value you as a human being? Do they enrich your life? Are they a supporter of your dreams and aspirations? Are they intriguing to you? Is there a connection on every possible level (physically, intellectually, emotionally, personally, etc...?) Do not get swept away with surface level, fleeting, and ever changing emotions, as they are blinding and cause you to lose self-control! They may be a quick fix for what you are lacking at the moment, but dig deeper! Ensure the excitement and passion goes further without jeopardizing your values and self-esteem. Fill the internal holes you may have with self-love, not dependent upon another person. Only then will you truly feel and be complete and have control over your life.

Which brings me to also pity those that DO find all of those positive qualities in another, yet they run away scared. It's the same idea. Have the courage to experience that immense blessing, as it will only help you grow. Have the self-confidence (not to be confused with arrogance ;-) to put yourself out there. Why settle for a stream when you can swim in the ocean? Why not have it all? Again, it's scary. People are so afraid of rejection, or not being good enough, or not living up to another's expectations. I can use every line of encouragement about leaving an unhappy and/or abusive relationship for reasons to seek out a happy and fulfilling relationship. You must value and love yourself enough to know that you deserve it. You must know you are strong and beautiful inside and out. In this case, you can only win by having the courage to fight back by staying. And again, by running away scared, it shows you are deficient in some capacity. I have also made the choice to take control of my future. I have made the choice to open myself up to the possibility of finding the person that inspires, intrigues, excites, and connects with me. I am not afraid to try. I am not afraid of failing. I am not afraid of rejection or being hurt. It sucks when that happens, yes, especially when I see it coming, but I will always put myself back together and continue to have the courage to try again. I am in control of my life (thanks to years of personal growth and fulfillment), therefore I have achieved my individual potential at the self-actualization level, or I am at least in that arena, even as a work in progress! I believe I am a good person, confident in my abilities, always looking to grow, and I love myself. I will not settle for anyone that does not make me feel that way, but instead, builds upon those ideals :-)

"Without Courage Your Life Will Never Change." ~Me