32 Years Young

The passage of time is completely dependent upon your perspective. I haven't written a blog post in a month! When I say it, it seems like forever ago, but it doesn't feel as if it were that long ago when I sat for hours into the middle of the night writing, editing, proofing, etc...
So here I am back at it, finally! It is the eve of my 32nd birthday, and all I can think about is how YOUNG I am :-)

If you have read my previous posts, you know I have been through more than many people, and those of you that know me, know that I am and always have been extremely mature and almost always responsible, with a few lapses in judgment here and there, of course ;-P. That being said, sometimes I do feel older than my years, worn out, and like time is running out. I have experienced a lot, yes, but there is so much more out there in this world I have yet to accomplish and explore! It takes a conscious effort to really turn your outlook to the positive, such as, WOW! I am only 32! That is young! I have plenty of time to live out my dreams, go back to school, travel the world, spend time with my kids, get Lasik, go on a mission trip, write a book, be debt free, save money for the kids' college, and hopefully find love and enjoy companionship for many, many years. I try so hard to tell myself these things every single day as my 30-something metabolism slows down, constantly noticing those eye wrinkles getting deeper and deeper, my teeth become weaker (of course, I got my very first cavity back when I hit 30), and as I struggle to keep my energy level up to par for my busy days.

So to keep my mindset in the right place and to keep my youthful appearance, I knew I had to take action. I now spend ridiculous amounts of money on anti-aging face firming cremes and eye wrinkle fillers in order to slow down time! No Botox for me, but who knows where the future leads?! haha

I also had to take up flossing! haha, imagine that! I had honestly gone the majority of my life not ever flossing and having my first dentist visit at the age of 18, but since that all was catching up to me, this was the best solution to help the deterioration of my teeth. I also had to take up brushing with a children's princess toothbrush in order to catch those sneaky sugar bugs on my wisdom teeth (which those are why I'm so dang smart ;-P) and actually brushing with this makes me feel young!

I started working out a couple of years back as my schedule allowed. It was a small privilege that many take advantage of, but I was always longing for. I knew that being physically active would not only boost my energy level, but also my self-confidence, and improve my health. Of course, moving to Austin also helped motivate me to start eating healthier (most of the time...exceptions for Hula Hut, Shady Grove, Trudy's and a few other of my favorite dining places around the city.) I switched to soy milk and/or almond milk and began buying more fruits and veggies than ever before. I even began making salads for lunch! Gasp! Well, all of that sounds great, but getting up at 5:30 each day, exhausting my mind all day, and taking care of other people's kids, teachers and my own 3 kids still requires more than those efforts! So I added a plethora of vitamins to my daily routine. I have seen improvement in general, yes. Now, I have added Visalus to my diet. A fabulous nutritional supplement and/or meal replacement shake that tastes like cake batter! How could I say no to that?! I finally feel like I am getting the nutrition I need to continue on my path of living a long, strong, young, fit, and healthy life. Plus I have an opportunity to make money promoting it...all those hopes and dreams won't pay for themselves you know! http://ragrove3.bodybyvi.com/

Other areas of my life are, well, still a work in progress! In particular, my love life! So, I have been divorced for about 8.5 years...again, sounds like forever ago, and actually, that also feels like forever ago! I barely remember what it was like to even be married! Dating over the years has proven to be quite tumultuous. I have to always put the positive twist on this area of my life in order to feel young and not like an old shrew! In these past 8.5 years, I have only had 1 actual serious relationship that lasted 1.5 years. That was an insane learning experience ;-P A couple of guys, ok, maybe 1, has made it until the 6 month mark (sort of), but the majority were 3 months or less, typically less. That means, for about 7 years, I have basically been single. That is a long time to get comfortable with yourself, become independent, and grow as an individual, which I have! I don't mind being alone. It doesn't bother me anymore, honestly. However, I do have to remind myself that I am ONLY 32, and I have many chances and opportunities to find someone that might want a healthy relationship with me! It can be discouraging at times, of course, but overall, I'm ok with it. I have critiqued myself a million times over and have come to the realization that it's NOT me :-) I am usually not lacking in male attention, the difficulty lies where they are in their lives, versus mine, and if they are ready for me and children. Finding a confident, kind, courageous, intellectual, funny, fun-loving, patient, passionate, charasmatic, adventurous, mature, emotionally available, stable, McLicious man (just to name a few qualities amongst a million...hey, I've waited this long, I might as well ask for it all!) seems to be a difficult task in these parts?! haha

Speaking of old flames...I recently met up with a friend, whom also used to be someone I dated briefly a couple of times over the course of say, 12 years, for lunch, and I just have a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that I have known this person for almost 20 years! And we still look exactly the same as we did when we were tweens...if only I had a picture from back then to compare it to!

20 years...2 decades...that sounds like such a long stretch of time, yet most of the time I don't even feel like I have lived 20 years, much less 32! I love that I still have people in my life that knew me when I was super young like 12, 13, 14, etc...when I was the ages of my own children now! It is so awesome and such a blessing in so many ways. One of the conversations brought up was that I have been living in Austin for 6 years this coming summer. That thought blows my mind. Along with the fact that I have been in my career of education for a decade now, that I have a 7th grader, a 5th grader, and a 3rd grader! Where did the days of diapers, bottles, daycares, potty training, and not being able to talk back go?! I am a veteran teacher who is mistaken for a student teacher all the time. I am a mom of pre-teens who is mistaken for their nanny all the time. I am an old friend to many in which only the amount of time that has passed is mistaken because it always feels as though none has gone by. I am full of 32 years worth of memories and reminiscent feelings.

One of my earliest memories is when I was in kindergarten, and my family was taking our annual vacation to my grandpa's cozy cabin in the Jemez Mountains in New Mexico. I was sitting behind my dad on a 3-wheeler and we were speeding around the sharpest curves of the most incredibly winding road, with no guard rail I might add, up to the heights of Lot 1. Suddenly, I heard his muffled voice yelling at me, and I remember being confused, when my dad shoved me off of the moving 3-wheeler and my face and body hit the ground! Smack! Then, a huge amount of pressure hit my back as my dad lunged himself on top of me, legs from the knees down dangling off the cliff, along with my feet. The ATV was tumbling over and over and over down the side of the mountain. We stood up, bloody, busted lips and all, and watched the destruction continue. My heart was pounding out of my chest! He saved my life. It was my near-death experience (so I like to categorize it as) that is yet another reminder of how fragile life is and how incredibly thankful I am that I have made it to 32!

32 years, 384 months, 1,664 weeks, 11,656 days of walking this Earth, impacting lives, growing, learning, loving, being loved, changing and appreciating every single day! Dang, I am YOUNG!

"Without Courage Your Life Will Never Change." ~Me

This is How I Roll...

So before Christmas I watched that movie, I Don't Know How She Does It, with Sarah Jessica Parker. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that line as well. I also have been asked numerous times, "Do all your kids have the same dad?" Seriously?! It kills me that society has gotten to the point that people will, more often than not, assume that a woman with more than 1 child has more than 1 baby daddy! Let's just clear the air now...3 kids, same dad, and yes, I was married to him!

So, here we go...here is the secret on how to do it: JUST DO IT!

• Pregnant at 18 while in your first year of college - First of all, go to school! Use your time wisely and study. Go to your doctor appointments too! No excuses and keep the goal in mind that you are going to change the statistic you have been labeled and make it!
• Pregnant at 18 while in your first year of college, and working - See above, plus go to work! Also, just forget about all the stares you get from those that are judgmental while growing in size.
• Second year of college, working, 19 with a newborn baby, and a marriage too - Ok, all of the above, plus nurse, pump, doctor's appointments, clean the house, do laundry and possibly sleep! Find times to study around the baby's schedule. If possible, enlist the help of the significant other as needed. Also apply for any government help you can get!
• Baby, bad marriage already, 20, college, working, and baby #2 on the way - Alright, all of the above plus family babysitters (so it's free or cheap) and try to find friends to talk to about how crazy your life is at that moment! Also begin planning how to leave the bad marriage if all attempts to fix it fail.
• Two babies, progressively abusive marriage, third year of college, and working - Must I repeat myself?! Getting through school will be your savior. Don't let it slip! Be as positive as you can for the kids. Avoid arguments and confrontation at all costs. Do not provoke fights. Try to keep your stress level low. Do not turn to alcohol or drugs, as that will only make it worse. Figure out how to change the situation and make a plan of action to carry out when ready. Get the babies in a Mothers Day Out program if possible. Try to shield them from any negativity.
• Final year of college, 22, two babies, worse marriage, working, and baby #3 on the way - See the light at the end of the tunnel! Mission #1 - Get a full-time job with a salary in order to ensure security for the kids for when you leave the marriage. Stay strong and finish strong!
• Three babies, full-time career in the bag, and divorce lawyer on speed dial - Be happy to have started your career and work hard at it to be the best you can be. Take on leadership roles when offered. Build your resume. When the right moment comes for the divorce lawyer, do not chicken out. Happiness and being in a healthy relationship is of utmost importance. Stick to your guns when you take the first step. Use law enforcement if necessary.
• Raising 3 alone, 24, no child support, and protective orders to boot - Get full custody of the kids. Do not talk about the ex negatively. Love those babies and become as selfless and as self-sacrficing as possible. No starbucks, no snacking, no getting nails done, no shopping...oh no! But it has to be done. Put your priorities in order. Pursue counseling as needed. Lean on family and friends. Accept help! Do not live in fear. Learn to learn from your mistakes and grow as an independent person. Figure out what makes you strong and embrace it. Find your faith in what you believe in and trust that things will always work out as they should.

• New job, 26, new city 500 miles away from your support system, and new schools for the kids - Start over! Make friends and have fun! Help your kids adjust. Be there for them and let them experience new things in their new place. Ask for help when needed and continue to accept it when offered, putting pride aside. Ask for scholarships for sports so your kids can participate. Find what makes you happy. Surround yourself in positivity. Create expectation/chore charts for the kids. Teach them responsibility and how to be self-sufficient. Provide positive behavior reinforcement, structure, routine (even if it means you waking up at 5:30 every single morning in order to make it out the door on time), and discipline as necessary. Perfect your role at your job. Organization is key; keep your desk and your home clean and tidy. Clutter only causes disarray. Control only the factors you can! Don't sweat the small stuff. Try to date! The kids will weed out the bad ones ;-)

• Finding out your child has multiple learning disabilities (supposedly), and is severely acting up in school - Work cooperatively with school personnel. Build relationships with those in contact with your child. Do not be discouraged when he is kicked out of programs. Teach others how to deal with him. Take him to therapies needed. Love him unconditionally. Smother him in a positive environment and work on life lessons. Provide logical consequences. Learn all you can about special education laws and know what is best for your child. P.S. Celebrate when you find out he doesn't have any learning disabilities after all, almost 4 years later!

• When an injustice is happening to your child at school - Be their advocate. Hire an advocate if necessary. Do not be intimidated by administration. Do what you can to remove your child from the situation. Take mental health days off from work! Accept love and support from those around you that care. Know that it is ok to cry. P.S. Again, celebrate when everything falls into place after the fact and trust in karma ;-)
• Starting over again...31, new schools, new job, new house, and still no child support 9 years later - Provide as much stability as possible. Budget everything, as always! Be there mentally, emotionally, and physically at work as well as with your children. Celebrate successes in all aspects :-) Take lots of pictures of this new chapter in your life! Make time for yourself. Work out when possible. Eat healthy and make responsible choices. In other words, be a good role model! Enjoy the simple things. Sleep in on the weekends. Appreciate your friends and laugh and dance often. Visit family and keep connections as strong as you can. Don't give up and try to date some more! lol...

 Finally, look back on more than a decade of trials and smile because you beat the odds :-)

~Fairy Tale Life~

Once I was called mommy.

Once I was a provider and protector.

Once I kissed my children goodnight.

Once I had faith in myself.

Once I had strength and courage.

Once I was selfless, responsible and independent.

Once I was told I was loved by each one.

Once I believed that...

I call this reality.

"Without Courage Your Life Will Never Change." ~Me